‘It’s Me, Pinocchio,’ Announces Child Holding Recently Used Plunger Up To Face

GAITHERSBURG, MD—Pressing the recently used and dripping wet plunger up to his mouth and nose, local child Caden Liu announced, “It’s me, Pinocchio,” on Thursday. “Look, Daddy, look! My nose is long, just like Pinocchio!” said the visibly excited 5-year-old, who reportedly had raw sewage running down his feces-streaked face, the plunger having been used moments before to push a clogged mass of human excrement through a pipe. “I must have told a really big lie! No, I didn’t get this from the bathroom. Ha-ha, now my nose is growing even longer!” At press time, Caden’s little brother Liam had claimed he was Harry Potter and was seen swinging a shit-stained toilet brush around like a magic wand.