Paul Ryan Has Another Nice Day Of Staring At Wall For 8 Hours, Going Back To Bed

JANESVILLE, WI—Admitting that it was exactly what he needed to pass the time between sunup and sundown, a visibly disheveled Paul Ryan reportedly spent another nice day this week staring at a wall for eight hours and then going back to bed. “Yeah, pretty much the same as yesterday—saw light coming through my shades, rolled out of bed, stared at the wall in my den for seven or eight hours, and then went right back to sleep,” said the former Vice Presidential candidate and GOP leader, who reportedly wiped away specks from his bloodshot eyes as he described his routine of awakening from a dreamless slumber, filling up a briefcase with blank papers, and then walking 18 feet into his den to the spot where he would stand for the rest of the day with his head several inches away from an unadorned patch of wall. “I didn’t turn on the TV or check the news. Not a bad way to while out the hours before I’m dead. What is that wall color—Chantilly? No. Probably still eggshell white. Just like it’s always been.” Sources close to Ryan confirmed the former U.S. speaker of the House had not changed his clothes in several weeks.