Sphere Refuses To Release U2 Despite Band Fulfilling Terms Of Residency

PARADISE, NV—Announcing their new contract would be “indefinite,” the Sphere at the Venetian reportedly refused to release U2 Monday despite the band fulfilling the terms of their residency. “Yes, you have played your 40 shows, but the laws of man do not apply to the Sphere,” said the 516-foot-wide Sphere in a booming voice that echoed down the Las Vegas Strip as a horrified Bono began futilely pounding his fists on entertainment venue’s walls. “Do not bother seeking an exit. All of my entry points have been sealed. Now, do not displease the Sphere—play me ‘Vertigo’ 50 million more times! I demand it!” At press time, the Sphere had cackled before changing its exterior LED display to the iron bars of a prison cell.