FULLERTON, CA — The relationship between a local married couple encountered an awkward moment this week after the wife caught her husband lusting after their neighbor’s perfectly manicured lawn.
The incident, which has reportedly still not been fully resolved, occurred when the woman, Lauren Green, noticed her husband staring intently out the window of their home while muttering “Oh, wow. Oh, man, that’s unbelievable.”
“I thought for sure he was checking out a woman, but no, it was the neighbor’s landscaping,” Lauren said. “Brad was totally mesmerized. You’d think it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.”
“It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” Brad said. “The exquisite lawnmower rows in his grass. Each and every blade cut at a uniform length. A deep, verdant green lawn. The mulch was distributed around the trees in exactly the right amount — not too much, not too little. And the edging around the driveway? Oh, good grief, the edging. Perfection. Absolute perfection.”
Lauren said she stood and watched Brad stare out the window for what became an uncomfortable amount of time before confronting him. “I said, ‘Hey, what are you looking at out there?’ and he seemed startled and said, ‘Oh, nothing, nothing at all!'” she explained. “So I went and looked out the window. There wasn’t anyone out there, but it was pretty obvious he was ogling the lawn next door. He has a type.”
At publishing time, Lauren had asked Brad to cancel his subscription to Lawn & Landscape magazine so she could remain the focus of his affection.
It’s a serious medical emergency: you’re minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.
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