Man Sitting In First Class For First Time Pretends He Totally Knows What You’re Supposed To Do With Hot Towel

U.S. — A man flying for the first time in first class was caught off-guard this week after the flight attendant handed him a warm, wet, lemon-scented washcloth and did his best to pretend he knew just what to do with it.

“Ummmm. Ok. Ok. Stay calm. Just take the towel. Don’t look like an idiot here. This can’t be too hard,” first-time first classer John Wilson told himself. “A wet washcloth…do they want me to wipe down the tray table? Maybe I have bad B.O. and I’m supposed to use this on my pits…no that can’t be it.”

Wilson sat confidently with the wet town in his hands for a full fourteen seconds, pretending to stare into space while actually trying to catch a glimpse in his peripheral of what the other first-class passengers were doing with their washcloths.

“Oooooh. It’s for your hands,” Wilson finally observed. “And that guy is wiping off his face. Ok. Hands and face. Washcloth. I think I got this…”

As of publishing time, Wilson was trying to stuff the wet cloth in his pocket, assuming it was his to keep, while the flight attendant came down the aisle with a pair of metal tongs and a tray for some reason.

It’s a serious medical emergency: you’re minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction
Babylon Bee