Man Who Tossed Hot Dog Scraps On Ground To Be Followed For Rest Of Life By Sea Gull

MYRTLE BEACH, SC—Instantly committing its remaining days on earth to waddling behind the man, a local sea gull reportedly decided Thursday to follow Doug Wheeler around for the rest of his life after the 32-year-old accountant absent-mindedly tossed some hot dog scraps on the ground. According to sources, Wheeler will not go anywhere in the decades to come without a light pitter-patter of the gull’s feet trailing behind him, the result of his casual decision to throw the last bite of his hot dog into a boardwalk trash can, an effort that failed when the frankfurter bounced off the receptacle, causing the bird to immediately descend upon it and gulp it down. Insiders confirmed that while the 3-year-old sea gull would never again obtain such a generous portion of processed meat from Wheeler’s hand, it would nonetheless accompany him through all the remaining seasons of his life, including a career change, a wedding, an acrimonious divorce, retirement in the Poconos, and, eventually, his death from natural causes in 2087. Sources added that man and seabird will in fact share their final moments together, passing away just minutes apart, hand and wing clasped in fond embrace as eternal sleep at long last overtakes them.