Waitstaff Watches Helplessly As Limo Full Of Screaming 12-Year-Old Girls Pulls Up To Restaurant

WILLOW GLEN, CA—Knowing full well that their fate had been sealed, local waitstaff at TGI Fridays watched helplessly Thursday as a limousine full of screaming 12-year-old girls pulled up in front of their restaurant. “Dear God, we’re doomed,” said head waiter James Orsen, who stood motionless as several preteens dressed in matching shirts sprinted past him and immediately piled into two separate booths where they began laughing, yelling, and knocking over various pieces of glassware. “Oh, shit. Oh, no, no, no. They’re getting hyped up on soda, and they aren’t slowing down. I don’t know what they’re here to celebrate, but no one’s supervising them. That middle-aged woman they came in with just sat at a separate table and ordered wine. She knows what’s up. Fuck.” At press time, an exhausted looking Orsen informed reporters he would be taking the rest of the night off after one of the giggling 12-year-olds told him he was cute and asked if he was on Snapchat.