HENDERSONVILLE, TN — A local 40-year-old man was forced to put his fitness aspirations on hold indefinitely today after he pulled his hamstring while thinking about going for a run.
The incident reportedly occurred as the man sat motionless on the couch and thought about how he needed to get into better shape. Though he had not engaged in any physical activity, the mere thought of going for a run resulted in a sudden and debilitating injury.
“You know, I should start working out. I should go for a run toda — OW! AHHH!” the man’s wife heard him say. She went to the living room where she reported finding him crumpled in a heap on the floor in front of the couch.
Emergency personnel were called to the scene, where they determined the man to be in critical condition before rushing him to the hospital for medical intervention.
“He was in rough shape,” the attending physician said. “At his advanced age, it appears the mere thought of exercise was enough to cause a devastating tear to his hamstring. I don’t think he’ll be doing any running — or anything physically active, for that matter — for a significant amount of time. He is 40, after all. A man of his age should not be putting himself through such exertion.”
At publishing time, the man had returned to the comfort of his home under the care of his wife and was back on the couch adhering to his doctor’s prescribed treatment of eating chips and watching Tombstone.
It’s a serious medical emergency: you’re minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.
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Babylon Bee
Jesus Christ is King
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