Meteorologists Call For Rain Showers This Weekend And A Slight Chance Of Getting Crushed By A Falling Boeing Airliner Part

UNITED STATES — Meteorologists around the country are warning everyone to look out for rain and falling aircraft parts from Boeing’s commercial passenger jets this weekend.

“Yes, according to radar more rain is definitely coming,” said Dirk Willis of The Weather Channel. “So make sure you have your umbrellas and raincoats ready to go and just as a reminder: it’s Boeing season as well, so you will need to plan out strong bunker or bunker-like structures you can use as cover from falling aircraft parts along your routes!”

“Be smart!” Dirk continued. “These bunker or bunker-like structures have to be able to withstand the impact force of anything like a massive landing gear, a poorly installed plug door, or — who knows at this point — maybe even a whole engine or wing. These ‘air parcels’ — as we call them in the biz — will be falling at terminal velocity through the troposphere from an altitude of 30,000 feet and they are dangerous. Be safe out there, folks!”

Since parts from Boeing aircraft like doors and wheels have started flying off more regularly, The Weather Channel has updated its predictions to state that anyone living under the flight path of the nation’s major air traffic lanes now has 55-92% chance of being crushed to death by a part from a Boeing jet.

Officials at the National Transportation Safety Board are still calling this chance of being crushed by disintegrating Boeing airplanes a ‘slight’ risk, but if you are thinking of flying or merely existing under the nation’s major air traffic arteries, you may want to rethink that plan to survive the weekend.

At publishing time, meteorologists are saying that this so-called ‘Boeing season’ is particularly severe and may be more proof that global warming is to blame.

It’s a serious medical emergency: you’re minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.

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Babylon Bee