Take this quiz to see if you have the knowledge and skills required to sexually pleasure a woman.
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Q: Which of these women deserve to feel pleasure?
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A: None! Pleasure should only ever be felt by men.
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Q: Where is a woman’s clitoris located?
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A: At the bottom of the small velvet-lined beaded jewelry box where she keeps all her finest treasures.
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Q: How much of the clitoris can be seen with the naked eye?
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A: It is best not to look directly at the clitoris without specialized sunglasses.
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Q: Why is the clitoris separate from the vaginal canal?
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A: Why is a slideshow about women’s pleasure written in a way that centers men? Some questions have no answers.
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Q: How many months should foreplay last?
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A: No less than one, but no more than six.
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Q: Name the various erogenous zones on a woman.
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A: Clubfoot, inner nose, blowhole, and soft spot on top of their skull.
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Q: Are you William H. Macy?
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A: Yes? Then you’re going to have absolutely no problem at all.
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Q: What is the most commonly preferred form of foreplay among women?
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A: You should spend roughly 12 to 16 years as a hardscrabble stable boy in the estate on the other side of the fog-swathed moor. On her 17th birthday, you must appear, disheveled and rakish, and insult her riding jacket as she rushes to change for the autumn ball. When she protests, accidentally tear her skirt and do not apologize as she rushes away in great upset. This is the beginning of the foreplay. It is not even close to the end.
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Q: Name all the parts of this female vagina.
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A: Labia, snout, clitoris, loose skin, glowing finger.
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Q: Hello, handsome! I looking for USA husband who can care for very sexy. Click to see photos.
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A: Just tell us how many Google Play gift cards you want, and we’ll send them.
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Q: Where is the woman’s pleasure goblin located?
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A: Behind the nightstand, watching and cackling the whole time.
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Q: [This question will be delivered by former President Barack Obama in partnership with Higher Ground Productions.] “Hello, I’m Barack, and I’m not just the 44th president of the United States. I’m also a man. Sexual health is an important issue for us at Higher Ground, and so it’s my pleasure to ask the following question for this quiz: What are some surefire techniques when performing oral sex?”
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A: “Barack again. Of course, what women want varies. The idea here is just to keep an open channel of communication with your partner. Switch things up. Try the alphabet method or some gentle rumbling from your throat. But most of all, just be flexible and willing to try what’s good for her. We’ve got a lot of great content coming out on Higher Grounds in the coming year. Or hey, you can check out Rustin on Netflix today!”
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Q: What happens if you fall off a cliff in the middle of intercourse?
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A: Contact genital assistance using the vagina’s built-in OnStar navigation system.
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Q: But where is a woman’s soul located?
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A: Now we’re getting to the stuff that really matters.
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Q: What is the best way to please a woman?
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A: Charlotte, I’m fucking exhausted. I’m sorry. I just am. I’m not in the mood. Not even a little bit. It’s been a complete piece of shit week at work and with everything I’m going through with my mom. Just turn out the light and let me sleep. No, you can’t turn me on by touching me there. I’m serious. I am. I’m not your pleasure machine. Would you ever be okay with me telling you that you don’t know your own body enough to say when you aren’t in the mood? No. It’s such a horseshit double standard. All right, I’m sorry, okay? I love you, but I need to sleep. Good night.”
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Q: What’s the most efficient way to make a woman orgasm?
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A: Bring in a second woman and leave the room.
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Q: What is the first sign of a female orgasm?
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A: When her eyes begin spinning like slot machines and land on the word “jackpot.”
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Q: How often should a woman’s fallopian tubes be smog-checked?
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A: At least every two years after the model turns 14 years old.
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Q: How do you reboot a vagina that froze during foreplay?
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A: Unplug the clitoris, wait for five seconds, plug it back in, and then press the power button.
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Q: What does it mean if my partner begins climbing up the walls?
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A: That is the part of foreplay when the devil possesses her.
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Q: How do you create a romantic mood?
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A: Try something spontaneous like booking a weekend getaway with the boys.
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Q: How do you show affection through touch?
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A: You know what, just keep jerking off in the corner. That’ll probably work.
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Q: Name the four types of female gunk.
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A: Wet gunk, slimy gunk, red gunk, mystery gunk.
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