Gen Z Reveals How They Are Meeting People Outside Dating Apps

“I’m in too much student debt to afford dates.”

“Glory hole.”

“I met a nice skeleton when I fell down a well!”

“I was lucky enough to have my fringe religious sect assign me a reproductive partner at birth.”

“I’m actually developing an AI algorithm that can simulate the exact experience of falling in love in virtual space.”

“I just gaslight random people into believing that I’m their wife of 30 years.”

“I’ve met all my romantic partners by driving a car 200 mph down the road while wearing a blindfold and seeing who I hit.”

“I’ve had some luck with websites. They’re like apps, but on the computer.”

“My boyfriend and I met when we were both struck by the same bullet.”

“One day I woke up and he was levitating over me, his head spinning in circles.”

“By threatening to jump off my dorm and making a move on whichever bleeding heart tries to save me.”

“I met a lot of people after I went to the hospital because of the lead poisoning I got from my Stanley cup.”

“I just talk to the voices in my head when my mom refuses to give me my brain medicine.”

“I just let my publicist set me up with whoever.”

“I am a half-elf warrior who always shunned mortal society. That is, until the dark, handsome, and mysterious Zark Tella came along.”

“I climb Mount Destiny and spin the Ancient Wheel of Lust.”

“It’s such a boomer move, but choking on a big T-bone steak in the middle of a fancy restaurant is a great way to meet someone who knows the Heimlich maneuver.”

“The metaverse, duh. It’s where all the cool teens are!”

“Oh, everyone in Gen Z is so dependent that all of us are just constantly fused together into a sexless pile of flesh.”

“I’ve opened myself up to dating things beyond our mortal coil—orbs of light, spirits of unknowable age. You get it.”

“I simply look for the individual with a birthmark that spells out the other half of the prophecy.”

“I’ve cut out all the noise and now just obsessively stalk Zendaya around Los Angeles.”

“I’ve developed a parasocial relationship with a Twitch streamer and just use that to fill the void.”

“I fire a flare gun up into the heavens and scream, ‘Bring me love!’”