PALM BEACH, FL—Telling reporters about his revamped beauty routine as he lavished praise upon the social media platform he once tried to ban as president, a Vaseline-covered Donald Trump publicly reversed his stance on TikTok Monday after getting really into skincare. “You can’t get rid of TikTok when so many people love it and it’s providing me with so many tips on how to keep my skin moisturized and looking radiant,” said the face-taped former president, explaining that the only thing the Chinese-owned app could be found guilty of was making him look 40 years younger. “These people who say it’s a threat to national security clearly don’t know anything about dermaplaning or the latest hybrid cleansers. Forget about China—we need to be paying more attention to all the amazing new barrier creams and skin ampoules coming out of Korea.” At press times, sources confirmed the cash-strapped presidential candidate was struggling to fund his campaign through the sale of Trump-branded skincare products in the TikTok Shop.
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