Since the fall of Roe v. Wade, access to safe, legal, and effective reproductive care has become more confusing than ever in the United States. The following are the most frequently googled questions about abortion in America.
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How many abortions can I have?
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Doctors recommend having a routine abortion at least once a year.
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Is there a rape exception for abortion?
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In some states, yes; in others, your trauma’s just getting started.
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How is the food in the Planned Parenthood vending machine?
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The Doritos are probably expired, but it won’t kill you.
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What is the safest way to get an abortion?
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As a Scandinavian citizen.
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Is abortion a sin?
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Any medical procedure involving a vagina is a sin.
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Was I aborted?
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Typically, a DNA test is required to reveal that information.
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What is the recovery time?
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However long it takes you to return to work from your lunch break.
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What is the abortion rate by ethnicity?
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All right, Elon Musk, enough.
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Can I get an abortion if I live in Texas?
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The answer depends entirely on which tax bracket you’re in.
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What is the best underground abortion clinic in Texas for a teenage friend?
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Genius! No one will find out you are asking for yourself!
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Should I get an abortion?
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That’s for your state’s lawmakers to decide.
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Is abortion cool?
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Yeah, it’s the best.
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Can they give me a bikini wax while they’re down there?
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Providers are actually required to do this.
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Where can I find reproductive care near Mississippi?
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Layover or direct?
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Abortion bad for fetus?
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Uh, yes. It’s not great for it.
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Does an abortion hurt?
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It tickles!
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Where can I get an abortion?
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[Answer blocked by Google SafeSearch.]
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Jesus Christ is King
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