ESCANABA, MI—Declining to help himself to the uneaten food on their plates, depressed father of three Matt Dunbar was not even touching the rest of his family’s dinners, household sources reported Wednesday. “Usually he just digs right in and finishes up the leftovers I’m about to put in the fridge, but tonight he was so listless he didn’t so much as reach across the table for a spoonful of the chili our youngest kid wouldn’t eat,” said Maggie Dunbar, explaining that in recent days her husband had been in such low spirits he seemed to have a decreased appetite for the soups, salads, casseroles, and even steaks that had been served to other family members. “What really worries me is that he didn’t take a single bite of my burger, let alone eat half of it without bothering to ask if I was done. It’s not like him. Hopefully when we have dessert he’ll barely let me enjoy my pie before forking over most of it for himself.” At press time, the depressed man’s family was relieved after seeing him drink the remainder of his wife’s margarita and then tuck right into the unfinished bottle of tequila.
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