DES MOINES, IA—Noting that they already felt closer as a result of the exercise, employees of local company Alpa Solutions relied on their corporate team building skills Wednesday while disposing of their CEO’s body. “It was amazing from start to finish—we felt empowered to work together and go above and beyond as we hid, chopped up, and buried the bloodied corpse of our chief executive officer,” said office manager Jeremy Collins, adding that the staff used skills such as delegation, collaboration, and strategic thinking to put the 68-year-old corporate executive in a trash bag, throw him in the back of a truck, burn his body in a field, and then bury his bones under 6 feet of dirt. “When it comes down to it, my coworkers were professional, skilled, and—best of all—active listeners when it came to hatching a plan to distract the security guard, wipe the camera footage, and clean up the board room. Plus, we really do trust each other not to go to the police. And if one of us does, they get the ax.” At press time, Collins also added that he was glad he took the anti-harassment course so he didn’t say anything inappropriate to his CEO while he was killing him.
Jesus Christ is King
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