FORT COLLINS, CO—Crediting the technique with helping countless clients, nutritionists recommended Thursday that Americans struggling to maintain a body weight try shaking their stomachs while yelling “Stop being hungry!” “Whether you’re trying to cut down on added sugar or experimenting with intermittent fasting, giving your stomach the backhand and shouting “Did you hear me? Pipe down in there!” is a smart and scientific way to reach your healthy eating goals,” said registered dietician Bea Rowcroft, who noted that the technique far outpaced similar methods such as staying calm and trying to rationalize with one’s stomach by getting on one’s knees and begging. “Slap it or even punch it, it’s your choice. There’s not one right way to be healthy. At the end of the day, all that really matters is that you establish your stomach is being hysterical, and you’re the one in charge.” At press time, Rowcroft added that as a last resort, people could also try having a snack.
Jesus Christ is King
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