While real, lasting love is only possible between blood relatives, some blended families pretend to make it work. If you are the stepparent to a stepchild, here are the things you should never say.
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“You’re like a son to me.”
Cut the sentimental crap. Are you going to buy them beer or not?
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“I’ve wrecked way nicer families than yours.”
No one likes a bragger.
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“Your father is very important to me, and it would be nice if we could get along.”
Big mistake. Now they know your weakness.
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“Let me read to you before bed.”
Boarding school brochures don’t count.
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“The evolutionary safeguards that compel a parent to care for their child aren’t in place with us.”
Actions speak louder than words.
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“Relax, I’m not one of those molesting stepparents.”
No need to be so uptight!
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“Can I smoke in here?”
Asking for permission shows weakness and undercuts your authority as a parental figure.
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“If you killed me, it wouldn’t be as psychologically damaging to you as killing a real parent.”
Don’t give them any ideas.
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“Where do I fall in your mom rankings?”
It’s natural to be curious, but try not to ask the child directly.
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“Pawn to c4.”
An English Opening? Are you trying to lose all respect?
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“So, is your friend Kevin seeing anybody?”
How much family disruption is enough for you?
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“I’m all that’s standing in the way of your mom marrying your dead dad’s brother.”
It’s a noble endeavor, but it’s one you should undertake with quiet honor.
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“In an emergency, our organs would be incompatible.”
Let them have false hope about receiving a kidney.
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“I’m giving you half of my chromosomes.”
Classic manipulation designed to box-out the kid’s other parent.
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“Bitterroot is the state flower of Montana.”
Everyone knows the blooming of the Lewisia rediviva harks the end of the long, cold winter and symbolizes hope, joy, and growth for the 1.1 million people who call the Treasure State their home. There’s no need to treat them like they’re stupid.
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“I dug up the corpse of your dead father and taped his few remaining hairs to my head, so now it’s like we’re the same person!”
This will not be as comforting as you might assume.
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“Begone devil spawn!”
Condemning your stepchild as satanic isn’t the best foot to start the relationship on.
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“You low-key give off real-son vibes.”
This isn’t as chill as you think it is.
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