Kamala Harris Discovers Classified Document Revealing She’s Android Created By DNC

WASHINGTON—Her mind spinning as she poured over the sheaf of papers, Vice President Kamala Harris reportedly discovered classified documents Friday revealing that she is an android created by the DNC. “Wha—no, it can’t be,” said Harris, whose mouth hung open in shock, too horrified to scream after accidentally stumbling upon a blueprint in a musty cabinet in a back room of the West Wing for a humanoid robot labeled ‘K. Harris Model 3.’ “That looks like me. But, but, I’m me. Right? What about my parents? My memories? I thought I was a child once—wasn’t I?” At press time, a horrified Harris had startled and dropped the documents after Biden suddenly appeared behind her in the doorway.