Kohler Unveils Powerful New Toilet Capable Of Flushing Handgun

KOHLER, WI—After the product reportedly tested well in focus groups throughout the United States, plumbing-fixture manufacturer Kohler unveiled a powerful new toilet Thursday that, according to marketing materials, is capable of flushing a handgun. “We built our GlockSense smart toilet with enhanced features that enable it to handle any pistol or revolver currently on the market,” said CEO K. David Kohler, adding that if customers find themselves in a locked bathroom needing to eliminate anything from a small, concealed-carry weapon to a handgun equipped with a silencer and high-capacity magazine, they could count on the GlockSense toilet to expel the firearm through the drainpipe of their home and into the sewer. “Kohler toilets have long been able to dispose of illicit drugs and incriminating documents, but with our new power-assisted flush valve and state-of-the-art, extra-wide hole, they can also dispose of a recently fired sidearm that, for whatever reason, a person may want to get rid of. No more panicked flushing only for forensics to come in and fish out the alleged murder weapon later. That thing is as good as gone.” Kohler added that for an additional $300, customers could upgrade to a toilet large and powerful enough to flush their victim’s entire body.