Timeline Of Kate Middleton’s Disappearance

Queen Elizabeth realizes that Kate must have swapped their cups.

Kate Middleton becomes Princess of Wales, which always works out well.

William slaps waitress’s ass.

Visibly intoxicated Kate Middleton seen renting Jet Ski.

Kate is awoken by a team of doctors and palace guards in her bedroom who inform her of the abdominal surgery that has been planned for her.

Kensington Palace announces Kate in hospital for “routine, long-scheduled autopsy.”

Kate misses scheduled ribbon-cutting at Windsor-area Halal Guys.

Wait, is that her?!?! Oh. Never mind. But from a distance it sure looked like her.

Attempts to transplant the hideous, mutated brain of Elizabeth II into Kate’s body continue to fail.

Paparazzi photo analysis of Prince William’s face can’t determine if he’s happy, sad, or just British.

Several people continue to be bored and have access to the Internet.

Discovered sending messages through a four-dimensional bookshelf.

Daily Mail investigation determines this is all Meghan Markle’s fault.

Boyfriend suddenly interested.

Prince William spotted at the Kensington Palace gate hugging himself so it looks like he’s kissing someone.

The House of Windsor-X91 releases a statement from Neo-Buckingham Palace saying that Kate is recovering well and will make a public appearance soon.