DURHAM, NC—After stressing that she preferred to wait until the third date, local prudish woman Sophia Thomas reportedly declined Monday to bear local man Alex Campbell’s children on their first date. “What do you mean you don’t feel comfortable propagating my bloodline after only knowing me for a few hours?” said Campbell, explaining how much of a tease Thomas was for allegedly giving off a vibe that indicated she wanted to go back to his place and ensure his lineage was perpetuated. “If you didn’t want to carry my heir, then why did you even agree to this date? Not to mention you’re wearing that suggestive denim dress that shows off your child-bearing hips. It’s like you’re asking to beget my progeny.” At press time, Campbell texted Thomas at 2 a.m. asking if she wanted to come over and usher in the next generation of his clan.
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