CLEVELAND—Remarking that his family history was apparently far more complicated than he originally thought, Cleveland resident Nathan Yang received an unsettling Ancestry.com report Monday that said Genghis Khan descended from him. “Huh, that’s weird—this says that I’m closely related to the first khagan of the Mongol Empire, and that he’s my biological son,” said the confused 36-year-old project manager, adding that while he didn’t understand how it was possible, it appeared he had somehow fathered the man responsible for uniting the Mongol hordes in the early 13th century and leading one of the bloodiest conquests in all of history through much of Europe and Asia. “According to this report, Genghis Khan, who was born in 1162 and formed the largest contiguous land empire ever, should call me, someone who was born in Ohio in 1988, ‘Dad.’ Also, this says I have thousands of grandchildren and over 16 million male descendants. Wow. It’s going to take a while to reach out to them all.” At press time, Yang said that in retrospect, Genghis Khan being his son actually made a lot of sense, especially given his hatred of the Khwarazmian Empire and his deep, inexplicable fear of the Great Wall of China.
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