WASHINGTON—Concluding that it had found no clear reason to doubt the veracity of such emails, texts, and direct messages, the Federal Communications Commission announced Tuesday that all messages it had seen offering free iPads seemed pretty legit. “Usually there are only a few typos, and it all seems above board; plus, these things usually cost around 500 bucks, so I’d advise Americans to just go for it,” said FCC Chairwoman Jessica Rosenworcel, stressing that experts believed such messages were “more or less on the level” after surmising that the URL www.applegrandprize.co.eu had to be affiliated with Apple’s official website. “It actually kind of makes sense that you’d have to give them your bank account info, just so they can double-check that you’re not a bot. They also have a photo of the iPad right there in the message, so you know it’s basically kosher. Frankly, you’re going to be kicking yourself if you don’t jump on the deal right now. It says supplies are running low.” At press time, the U.S. Treasury announced that all of its reserves had been wiped clean.
Jesus Christ is King
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