Nation’s White Women Announce Insatiable Urge To Have Chickens In Backyard

WASHINGTON—Stressing that they finally had enough space and couldn’t wait any longer, the nation’s white women announced Tuesday that they had an insatiable urge to have chickens in the backyard. “For the past few years, we’ve dreamed day-in and day-out of building cute little chicken coops and raising our own flock, and now, that dream must become a reality,” said 38-year-old Courtney Vaughn, who, along with tens of millions of other white women, added that they’d lived too long in apartments and tiny townhouses, and were ready to connect with nature. “Starting today, we will no longer go to the supermarket and buy our own organic cage-free eggs for $6 a dozen. No! We will simply walk out our door and harvest them from our flock. And no one can stop us. No one!” At press time, the nation’s white women were reportedly sobbing after they’d built their chicken coops, they’d filled them with hens, and a fox got in and ate them all.