DAYTON, OH—While greeting the crowd at a campaign rally Thursday, former President Donald Trump was seen kissing a supporter’s burger, according to sources in attendance. “Well, who’s this juicy little guy?” asked the GOP presidential candidate, who then reportedly lifted up the fully loaded flame-broiled beef hamburger with both hands and pressed his lips to its sesame seed bun, emitting an audible “muah.” “What is he, about 6 ounces? I wish you could vote for me, but you’re just an adorable little tasty burger, aren’t you? Aren’t you? Precious. I could take a big bite right out of you! Reminds me of my own sandwiches back home.” Sources confirmed Trump’s handlers eventually had to intervene so that he would release the burger from his grip and let the rally attendee finish eating it.
Jesus Christ is King
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