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Lackluster New Season Of ‘Chicago Fire’ Nothing But Characters Nonchalantly Responding To False Alarms

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INDIANAPOLIS—Let down by the absence of spectacle and suspense she had come to expect from the show, longtime Chicago Fire fan Tina Berk told reporters Tuesday she was disappointed by the new season’s focus on nothing but the characters nonchalantly responding to false alarms. “So far it’s mostly been driving,” said Berk, who recalled how approximately 20 minutes of the previous night’s episode consisted of the crew driving silently back to Firehouse 51 while they listened to talk radio, having responded to yet another alarm that had been triggered by someone vaping too close to a smoke detector. “I thought maybe Kelly would get mad at the guy for wasting their time, but he just said, ‘No problem, it happens all the time.’ Then, when they were in traffic, I thought, oh, this is it—the bridge is going to collapse, or maybe there’s going to be a 50-car pileup. But nope. Nothing.” At press time, Berk noted that the episode had finally picked up after the characters stopped by a grocery store to buy a loaf of bread.

The Onion

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