NEW YORK—Sighing deeply as he closed his overcoat yet again and kicked in dismay at the scattered alleyway trash, local man Frank Pendrowski told reporters Tuesday he wasn’t sure what more he could possibly do to make women he flashes love him. “For years I’ve put myself out there, exposing my genitals to passersby, and every time I’m left feeling like there’s something lacking in me,” said the 43-year-old, stressing that it was hard to believe in your own self-worth when no one else seemed to believe in you and your semi-engorged penis. “Seriously, am I doing something wrong? I really thought that last lady was the one, but then she averted her eyes and rushed in the opposite direction as quickly as possible. Maybe I should be licking my lips more? Or muttering stuff under my breath like ‘Yeah, you want some of this? You like what you see, huh?’ I’d say it’s that I need to show more of my penis, but I really am making an effort to make that as visible as possible. Whatever. One day I know I’ll find the right one, and she’ll rush toward my crotch with open arms.” Pendrowski added that while he knew he was a hopeless romantic, he had always imagined that when he met his dream woman, she’d be wearing a full-length coat too, and she would flash him right back.
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