TALLAHASSEE, FL — The political landscape was rocked to its core today, with reverberations sure to be felt for several years, as Governor Ron DeSantis was kicked out of the Republican Party for accomplishing too many things.
The move was announced after careful deliberation by the Republican National Committee in coordination with top GOP leaders at all levels of government, with decision-makers citing DeSantis’s ongoing tendency to get things done as evidence he does not belong with the party.
“We don’t know what his deal is,” said one Republican insider. “Everyone can plainly see that one of the most fundamental tenets of the Republican Party is the stubborn refusal to accomplish anything of note. Governor DeSantis continues to flagrantly disregard this core value by actually doing things. It’s just totally unacceptable and unbecoming of anyone claiming to be a Republican.”
As other members of the party at the state and federal levels doggedly adhere to the directive to maintain the status quo while making fiery, sternly-worded speeches, DeSantis has veered from the party line to accomplish things that actually improve the lives of his constituents, fight against radical woke ideology, and advance the cause of traditional American values. “We went over it with him time and time again,” the GOP source said. “He wouldn’t stop doing things. We can’t work with a guy like that.”
At publishing time, GOP powerbrokers were already looking forward to the conclusion of DeSantis’s second term so they would have the opportunity to nominate someone else in an effort to grind the state’s positive progress to a screeching halt.
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