DANVILLE, KY—Determined to complete the task though her progress was slowed by the root vegetable continually slipping from her arthritic grasp, local grandmother Dolores Wheeler reportedly spent all of Wednesday peeling a single potato. “We really want to help her, but anytime one of us goes in there, she shoos us away, saying she’s the only one who knows how to do it properly,” Wheeler’s granddaughter Erin Fowler told reporters, explaining that the 84-year-old had assured the family that dinner would be ready soon, despite being in her eighth hour of running a peeler over the starchy tuber, which it is believed she could not see clearly as a result of her cataracts. “At one point, we heard this loud cracking sound coming from the kitchen and got really nervous, but it turns out that’s just the noise her body makes when she kneels down to pick something up off the floor—in this case, the potato, which had once again gotten away from her and rolled off the counter. After my two cousins got her on her feet again, she insisted on getting right back to peeling.” At press time, Wheeler announced that once she had finished with the remaining two pounds of potatoes, along with the half dozen carrots that needed peeling, she would place everything in the oven and “Grandma’s special pot roast” would be ready in just three hours.
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