Authorities Arrest Depraved Anglophile After Uncovering Hard Drive With 1.5 TB Of Hardcore Rory Kinnear, David Mitchell Photos

KNOXVILLE, TN—Seizing every device belonging to the man during a coordinated operation between local police and the FBI, authorities reportedly placed depraved Anglophile Ned McCann under arrest Thursday after uncovering a hard drive with 1.5 terabytes of hardcore photos featuring Rory Kinnear, David Mitchell, and other Britons. “The disturbing photos of English public figures found on this hard drive would make the average American lose their lunch,” lead detective Greg Jansen said as his team dragged the Brit-obsessed pervert into an interrogation room to explain his sick fascination with Ian McKellen, Jennifer Saunders, Stuart Lee, and several more pasty white fellows yet to be identified. “Pictures of big teeth and Oxford shoes, videos of beans being consumed first thing in the morning—these are the classic signs of rampant Anglophilia that we’re taught to look out for in the academy. Clearly we’re dealing with an unbalanced individual who needs to be locked up somewhere he can no longer access The Guardian’s cultural criticism or tabloid images of the royal family in The Sun. We’re just lucky we caught this son-of-a-bitch before he escalated—we found Welsh rarebit and clotted cream in his refrigerator and have reason to believe he was going to use it to lure Hugh Laurie into a game of Taskmaster. Thank God a neighbor tipped us off after McCann kept insisting he come over to watch a VHS box set of Are You Being Served?” At press time, a Technical Assistance Response Unit officer was seen vomiting after discovering the man’s desktop computer background was Stewie Griffin posing in front of a Union Jack flag.