Matchmaker Casually Asks Woman If She’d Be Open To Dating Outside Her Species

HUDSON, NY—Saying that the woman was getting to the age where she could no longer afford to be so picky, local matchmaker Cassidy Williamson asked one of her clients Monday if she’d be open to dating outside her species. “So, you have a lot of great things going for you, but just by chance, would you be at all interested in a nonhuman partner?” said Williamson, who added that while the 33-year-old might not be able to tick off everything on her wish list, expanding her search to a wider swath of the animal kingdom would certainly help. “I know you requested someone affectionate, loving, and intelligent, and there are many animals besides Homo sapiens that can provide that for you. Just think about it. Alvin, a very well established possum, or Xander, a sun bear from the Atlanta Zoo, might just be the perfect fit.” At press time, Williamson’s client agreed to give it a shot after the matchmaker promised that even though the majority of her animal clients were only 2-foot-4, they more than made up for it in personality.