Pearson Airport, Toronto – In a recent announcement, the cash-strapped airline industry has announced that every bag will require its own ticket.
Instead of overhead bins, retrofitted planes now have a lay flat seat for those looking to have a more coffin-like experience when they fly. Without these baggage storage areas, passengers have no choice but to put any carry-on items on their own seat.
Speaking with the CEO of Air Canada, Michael Redledy, the Beaverton found out what prompted this decision. “We want to reward travelers who are able to pack light with nothing more than what they can hold in their pockets. Those who travel with babies or who have disabilities that require extra luggage, probably shouldn’t be travelling anyway,” explained Mr. Redledy. “On public transit, people take up that seat beside them for their bag without paying but that’s what you get with a public system, missed revenue opportunities.”
Southwest Airlines CEO, Jordan Robers, is excited for the change. “Our passengers expect the rush of stampeding onto the plane and trying to find the first available seat. Now, they will get that thrill times two,” said Roberts. “Also, we’ve installed tap enabled toilet paper dispensers to help reduce waste. Toilet paper will be available on all flights for one dollar per square.”
Recent traveler Justin Lane did not discover the changes until he was at the airport with his carry-on in hand. In order to get through to the gate, he had to buy a last minute stand-by ticket for his baggage. Luckily, they were able to get onto the same flight.
“I thought I selected the option that guaranteed that we would be sat together, but my Samsonite was back in row 32, the last row on the plane, where the seat doesn’t even recline,” lamented Mr. Long. “I had to constantly get up to check on him to make sure he wasn’t getting anxious flying alone. The woman sitting beside him was hogging the armrest every time I checked and I’m pretty sure she stole his snacks!”
In a surprise that delighted travelers, it was announced that luggage is eligible for frequent flier points. That delight faded once the terms and conditions clarified that those points can only be shared with other bags that are part of a matching set.
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