What Trump Will Do On His First Day In Office

Even if they have an old one on file, you still have to do a new one for whatever dumb reason.

The ’80s porn star and Swank magazine model’s life-size portrait will again hang where the portrait of FDR currently does.

There’s famously not much to do on day one of any job, and it wouldn’t be a surprise if Trump asked to punch out of work early.

Scandinavian minimalism and affordable pricing will feature heavily in the returning president’s interior design choices.

He’s willing to pardon himself, but only if he gets down on his hands and knees.

It will be exciting to see how much he’s grown!

Anything to get back on his good side.

This would include roughly 200 million Americans.

It’s like riding a bike.

Trump is certain to get right to calling his staffers hateful terms the minute he’s in the Oval Office.

Failing to kill his VP was one of Trump’s biggest regrets from his previous term.

Political commentators have stressed that this was likely an exaggeration by Trump and the real number will be no larger than 25%.

He’s gonna go find her because she hasn’t come by in, like, 15 minutes.

HR makes every president do this.

No one will see it coming, and a wartime president is always popular.

You’ll find out why that date is significant when the time comes.

Those lawsuits don’t pay for themselves!