SHELBYVILLE, IN — Addiction can be a trying time for any family, but the Coopers are going through a particularly rough patch as they stage an intervention for Robert, a midwestern man who is going a bit overboard with the flannel.
“Son, we love you,” said the family patriarch. “But it’s time to admit that flannel has taken over your life. I mean, a flannel hat? Really?”
Robert Cooper, now grown and with a family of his own, works in a corporate office where flannel is strictly prohibited, but he wears it anyway.
“I wear flannel on the weekends when I’m doing yard work sometimes, but you — you wear it at work even when you’re running sales meetings,” a co-worker, Jeff Kendel, said as he shared his feelings with the group. “Who even are you?”
“Hey, I can quit flannel anytime I want!” Robert allegedly roared defensively. “I control the flannel, it doesn’t control me!”
Sheila Gunthry, a professional mediator, said it was the most tense intervention she’d ever sat in on. “This family really cares about Robert, and he just spat in their faces by buying more flannel while they were pouring their hearts out.”
Experts warn that flannel abuse has gotten more difficult in the age of smartphones because addicts can procure flannel at a moment’s notice. What used to be a style worn out of necessity for its warmth, comfort, and affordability is now a choice by many who want to see themselves as men. Fortunately, help is now becoming available as flannel addiction becomes an increasingly recognized problem. Hotlines are now available to address flannel abuse including 1-800-FLANNEL .
At publishing time, Robert Cooper had joined an inner-city gang of flannelists known as “The Plaid Boys.”
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