Sotheby’s Announces Auction Of Napkin On Which Jeffrey Epstein Jotted Down Idea For Pedophilia

NEW YORK—Calling it an “unprecedented window” into one of the world’s most creative minds, Sotheby’s announced Friday that it was auctioning off the napkin on which Jeffrey Epstein first jotted down the idea for pedophilia. “In 1985, Jeffrey Epstein was sitting at a bar in Palm Beach and, in a stroke of pure genius, single-handedly invented the idea for molesting children,” said Sotheby’s lead auctioneer Paul Errenthol, adding that Epstein then reportedly shouted, “Eureka!” grabbed a pen, and scribbled “child + sex” down on the 5-by-5-inch serviette, thus changing history forever. “While Mr. Epstein’s legacy is admittedly quite complicated, one cannot dispute that his out-of-the-box thinking regarding sexual abuse altered the course of humanity as we know it. In fact, had he not had a pen and this napkin handy that fateful night, Epstein’s island, his dozens of accusers, and his large, all-powerful cabal of elite pedophiles might never have existed.” At press time, Sotheby’s confirmed the napkin had sold for over $200 million after several of Epstein’s associates, including Bill Gates, Bill Clinton, and Prince Andrew got into a heated bidding war over the priceless memorabilia.