Dorks Of Nation Helpfully Identify Themselves By Wearing Solar Eclipse Glasses

U.S. — Dorks across the nation have begun helpfully identifying themselves for the general populace by all wearing solar eclipse glasses.

“Oh, look honey, another huge dork,” said local man Ben Williamson to his wife as they spotted another man with eclipse glasses. “Gosh, I had no idea there were so many giant dorks in this country!”

According to the dorks, the eclipse glasses are carefully crafted by the American Astronomical Society to keep away ultraviolet rays and anyone of the opposite sex. “It’s very important to check that your solar eclipse glasses are certified as ISO 12312-2:2015,” explained local dork Tommy Reese. “The glasses should also come with a certificate of conformity from the POCE laboratory, which you should keep with you in case anyone questions whether you are, in fact, a massive dork.”

The dorks have reportedly begun traveling in packs, renting out houses along the path of the solar eclipse for little dork gatherings. “There are literally planes filled with dorks arriving in Arkansas for the eclipse,” explained local woman Tanya Mason. “Our little town of 1,200 has been completely overrun with these dorks. It’s like there’s a dork migration happening.”

At publishing time, a man who had forgotten his glasses had taken to holding up a sign reading, “HUGE DORK” with an arrow pointing to his face.

When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.

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Babylon Bee