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Watch A Live View Of The Total Solar Eclipse

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Rejoice, sky-gazers, for you are about to behold one of the universe’s most amazing astronomical events. Watch now for a live view of the total solar eclipse.

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Blue Diamond Almonds–Sponsored Pre-Roll

Blue Diamond Almonds–Sponsored Pre-Roll

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Just gotta get through 30 seconds of advertisements for Xtreme almonds and we’ll get to see the eclipse!

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This Would Be A Good Time To Use The Bathroom If You’d Like To Miss Everything

This Would Be A Good Time To Use The Bathroom If You’d Like To Miss Everything

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Don’t worry, we’ll call you as soon as the extraordinarily rare event is completely finished.

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Huh, Never Noticed How Bright The Sun Is

Huh, Never Noticed How Bright The Sun Is

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Didn’t really have a reason to think about it before the eclipse.

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Put On Your 2025 Novelty Glasses Now!

Put On Your 2025 Novelty Glasses Now!

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It’s time to celebrate the New Year!!! Woo-hoo!!!!

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Family Dog Starts Levitating

Family Dog Starts Levitating

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Coco definitely knows something’s up, because he just started hovering 3 feet off the ground!

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Uh-oh, Some Random Guy Is Sitting In Our Lawn Chair

Uh-oh, Some Random Guy Is Sitting In Our Lawn Chair

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Unfortunately, we’re not the confrontational type, so guess it’s his now.

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Moon Gets Cold Feet

Moon Gets Cold Feet

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The moon retreats as it gets self-conscious that everyone is watching it.

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Clapping

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The moon needs lots of encouragement to keep going. Clap! Clap your little hearts out!

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Moon Just Did A Backflip

Moon Just Did A Backflip

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Holy shit, that little fucker has moves.

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Goddammit, The Clouds Are Covering The Eclipse

Goddammit, The Clouds Are Covering The Eclipse

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To be fair, though, this is sort of like a triple eclipse.

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Darkness Experienced For The First Time In 375 Years

Darkness Experienced For The First Time In 375 Years

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For the first time in hundreds of years, humans experience “darkness,” a strange sensation characterized by an absence of light that many previously believed was a myth.

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Animals Have Been Driven Mad With Horniness

Animals Have Been Driven Mad With Horniness

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The horses are mating with the cows! The ducks are mating with dogs! It’s bedlam…

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But It’s Also…Strangely…Enticing…

But It’s Also…Strangely…Enticing…

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Hmm, can’t hurt to watch all the animals rutting and see what happens. Maybe you can get in on the action, too.

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Put Down The Knife

Put Down The Knife

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Wait, why are you holding a knife all of a sudden? And why are you covered in blood?

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Sun Embarrassed By Goth Phase

Sun Embarrassed By Goth Phase

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The total solar eclipse ends after the sun realizes it looks stupid as hell.

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Fuck, Our Fucking Glasses Fell Off

Fuck, Our Fucking Glasses Fell Off

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Ow, ow, ow, oh wow it’s so beautiful, ow, ow, ow.

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Hello?

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Oh my God, is this what blindness looks like? We always thought it would look more like blackness, but that looks more like the Albanian flag.

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Still Can’t See A Goddamn Thing

Still Can’t See A Goddamn Thing

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Jesus, this is scary. We can’t believe we took our sense of sight for granted all these years.

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Our Retinas, They Burn

Our Retinas, They Burn

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Is this what Helen Keller saw her whole life?

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Jupiter Beats The Moon To The Punch

Jupiter Beats The Moon To The Punch

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Damn. Jupiter just swooped in front of the sun out of nowhere, and now the moon is forced to wait in line.

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Spouse Divorcing You

Spouse Divorcing You

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Right about now they’re in your email, finding the booking for two you made at a motel on the path of totality, even though you told them this trip was for work.

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Sun Becomes Aroused

Sun Becomes Aroused

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Please look away until it goes down.

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If You Look Closely, Buzz Aldrin Can Be Seen Riding The Moon Like A Horse

If You Look Closely, Buzz Aldrin Can Be Seen Riding The Moon Like A Horse

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Just like riding a bike, you never forget how.

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Oh No, The Moon Bucked Aldrin Off, And Now He’s Floating Away!

Oh No, The Moon Bucked Aldrin Off, And Now He’s Floating Away!

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RIP space cowboy.

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Totality

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This is it! So beautiful!

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False Alarm

False Alarm

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That was just Danny Trejo floating across the path of the sun—not the moon.

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Moon Electrocuted By Sun

Moon Electrocuted By Sun

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The sun is known to protect itself and its personal space with an industrial cattle prod.

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Gaze Upon’s God’s Anus

Gaze Upon’s God’s Anus

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Wow, there it is! The gaping asshole of our Creator! Staring at us in all its glory!

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Pretty Gorgeous, Right?

Pretty Gorgeous, Right?

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This is absolutely worth the $1,200 in flights, $600 in dog-sitting, $750 for a rental car, and $35 per hour you are losing from taking the day off.

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Blue Diamond Almonds–Sponsored Mid-Roll

Blue Diamond Almonds–Sponsored Mid-Roll

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Okay, pretty good eclipse so far. Now it’s time to watch more about ghost pepper almonds…

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What…What Is That?

What…What Is That?

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It’s totally normal to look into the eclipse and see all your childhood memories playing back at you, right?

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Is That Another Moon?

Is That Another Moon?

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No, that can’t be. Can it?

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Wait, It’s Claiming To Be The Real Moon

Wait, It’s Claiming To Be The Real Moon

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So, the moon we’ve known and loved our entire life is an imposter?

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Now The First Moon Is Saying That The Second Moon Is The Imposter

Now The First Moon Is Saying That The Second Moon Is The Imposter

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We have to kill one of them, but which one?

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God, We Hope We Made The Right Decision

God, We Hope We Made The Right Decision

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But then why is the moon smiling so sinisterly?

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Moon Struggling To Make Up Flimsy Excuse To Leave Right After Eclipse

Moon Struggling To Make Up Flimsy Excuse To Leave Right After Eclipse

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Always super awkward since the sun obviously expects it to sleep over.

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Oh Wait, There’s Still A Little Bit Of Eclipse Left

Oh Wait, There’s Still A Little Bit Of Eclipse Left

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Darn, even though it seemed like there was a bit of eclipse left, guess you went back to YouTube and watched the Jack Link’s commercial for a third and fourth time today. And now the whole thing is over. Oh well, probably catch it next time.

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Aw, Shoot, You Missed It

Aw, Shoot, You Missed It

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Got distracted by that funny Jack Link’s commercial again. Really funny, though.

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Nothing Left To Look Forward To

Nothing Left To Look Forward To

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[gunshot sound]

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You’ve Made It This Far…

You’ve Made It This Far…

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