Watch A Live View Of The Total Solar Eclipse

Just gotta get through 30 seconds of advertisements for Xtreme almonds and we’ll get to see the eclipse!

Don’t worry, we’ll call you as soon as the extraordinarily rare event is completely finished.

Didn’t really have a reason to think about it before the eclipse.

It’s time to celebrate the New Year!!! Woo-hoo!!!!

Coco definitely knows something’s up, because he just started hovering 3 feet off the ground!

Unfortunately, we’re not the confrontational type, so guess it’s his now.

The moon retreats as it gets self-conscious that everyone is watching it.

The moon needs lots of encouragement to keep going. Clap! Clap your little hearts out!

Holy shit, that little fucker has moves.

To be fair, though, this is sort of like a triple eclipse.

For the first time in hundreds of years, humans experience “darkness,” a strange sensation characterized by an absence of light that many previously believed was a myth.

The horses are mating with the cows! The ducks are mating with dogs! It’s bedlam…

Hmm, can’t hurt to watch all the animals rutting and see what happens. Maybe you can get in on the action, too.

Wait, why are you holding a knife all of a sudden? And why are you covered in blood?

The total solar eclipse ends after the sun realizes it looks stupid as hell.

Ow, ow, ow, oh wow it’s so beautiful, ow, ow, ow.

Oh my God, is this what blindness looks like? We always thought it would look more like blackness, but that looks more like the Albanian flag.

Jesus, this is scary. We can’t believe we took our sense of sight for granted all these years.

Is this what Helen Keller saw her whole life?

Damn. Jupiter just swooped in front of the sun out of nowhere, and now the moon is forced to wait in line.

Right about now they’re in your email, finding the booking for two you made at a motel on the path of totality, even though you told them this trip was for work.

Please look away until it goes down.

Just like riding a bike, you never forget how.

RIP space cowboy.

This is it! So beautiful!

That was just Danny Trejo floating across the path of the sun—not the moon.

The sun is known to protect itself and its personal space with an industrial cattle prod.

Wow, there it is! The gaping asshole of our Creator! Staring at us in all its glory!

This is absolutely worth the $1,200 in flights, $600 in dog-sitting, $750 for a rental car, and $35 per hour you are losing from taking the day off.

Okay, pretty good eclipse so far. Now it’s time to watch more about ghost pepper almonds…

It’s totally normal to look into the eclipse and see all your childhood memories playing back at you, right?

No, that can’t be. Can it?

So, the moon we’ve known and loved our entire life is an imposter?

We have to kill one of them, but which one?

But then why is the moon smiling so sinisterly?

Always super awkward since the sun obviously expects it to sleep over.

Darn, even though it seemed like there was a bit of eclipse left, guess you went back to YouTube and watched the Jack Link’s commercial for a third and fourth time today. And now the whole thing is over. Oh well, probably catch it next time.

Got distracted by that funny Jack Link’s commercial again. Really funny, though.

[gunshot sound]