With all the frightening headlines being made by faulty Boeing aircraft these days, many people are looking for alternative methods of transportation. If you have an upcoming trip, you may want to consider a few different options for your safety.
The Babylon Bee is here with the following list of suggestions for safer forms of travel than getting on board a Boeing:
- Grandpa’s backyard trebuchet: Likely to be the most invigorating ride of your life. Just make sure you’re wearing a helmet.
- New York City subway: It’s guaranteed you’ll be assaulted. Still safer than a Boeing.
- The Hindenburg: As long as you keep any open flames away from the envelope, you should be fine.
- Tying hundreds of balloons to a lawn chair: This option leaves your destination at the mercy of the prevailing winds, but the lawn chair is more comfortable than an airplane seat.
- Letting your Kansas farmhouse get picked up by a tornado: You may not be looking to vacation in the land of Oz, but at least you’ll get there safely.
- Strapping yourself to a grizzly bear: Your life may be in danger, but at least you’ll still be on the ground.
- Jewish tunnels: Nothing bad will happen to you in tunnels dug by God’s chosen people.
- Having your wife drive you: Almost as dangerous as flying in a Boeing. But not quite. Just barely.
Any one of the transportation methods listed above will give you a much better chance of reaching your destination (or at least a destination) alive and less injured than taking a Boeing. If you’re reading this list while already sitting on board a Boeing, may God have mercy on your soul.
When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.
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