Hidden Health Benefits Of Abstaining From Masturbation

Time not masturbating can be time playing second base for the Yankees.

Humans of reproductive age display brilliant plumes of purples, teals, and reds to show potential mates that they abstain from masturbation.

Ceasing masturbation for even a couple days entitles customers to one free medium smoothie at any Orange Julius location across the country!

That extra six minutes a day really adds up.

Healthy adults have 10 to 12 circumcisions in their lifetime.

The next time you do ejaculate after avoiding masturbation for an extended period, your semen will burst out at the pressure of a fire hose.

Put them on your feet. Make a hand puppet. The possibilities of socks are endless!

Don’t let it happen to you.

Oh, you thought abstaining from masturbation would get you on God’s good side? No one likes a try-hard.

More time to prep overnight oats.

Your semen deserves to unwind, too.

Frequent rubbing can slowly wear away reproductive organs until they’re just a tiny fraction of their original size.

Your offspring will possess better social skills if they grow up in a more densely populated ball sack.

Cats can smell when you’ve been touching yourself, and they find it disgusting.

Imagine the money you’ll save on razors.

Nothing better than a sweet treat in bed or in the shower.

Isn’t it such a shame that you’ll never get to find out for yourself if this is true?