Is Your Pastor A Charlatan Fleecing The Congregation To Make Obscene Wealth? Look For These Subtle Warning Signs

No matter how much people may enjoy their churches, the question always sneaks into the back of their minds: “Is my pastor just a charlatan?” Some pastors are bilking their congregations out of their money and living high on the hog.

How can you deduce if your pastor is fleecing you and your fellow churchgoers? The Babylon Bee has compiled the following list of warning signs:

• His parking space is a helipad: That’s one way to make sure no one takes his spot.
• His shoes cost more than your house: You are not worthy to untie his laces.
• He went to see Taylor Swift in concert: Twice.
• He can afford to eat at Five Guys: And his family all get milkshakes too.
• He has a Louis Vuitton Bible: Nobody should settle for regular leather.
• He’s a Baptist senior pastor and he’s driving a fully paid-off Honda Civic: Did the budget committee approve that?
• You’re distracted from listening to his sermon by the glare from the diamonds on his Rolex watch: A plain gold watch just isn’t eye-catching enough.
• He preaches 50 sermons per year on “stewardship”: Have you read Malachi?
• $600,000 in cash was found hidden in the walls of his church: This happens all the time and in no way refers to a specific incident at a specific church led by a specific pastor.
• He spends $2000 on a pink grandma sweater to wear on a single Easter Sunday: Ok, he’s pretty much rubbing it in your face at this point.

Does your pastor fall into any of the categories listed above? Have you noticed any other red flags? Compare notes in the comments below.

When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.

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Babylon Bee