New Bestselling Romance Novel Just Dildo That Says ‘He’s A Famous Hockey Player’

NEW YORK—Earning widespread acclaim from romance readers, a dildo embossed with the text “He’s a famous hockey player” had shot to the top of The New York Times’ paperback trade fiction bestsellers list this week. “Once you start, it’s impossible to put it down,” said 27-year-old Sofia Rasing, who described the silicone personal massager published by Simon & Schuster as “easy to follow” but “engrossing.” “I really liked the part about how he was a famous hockey player. Sure, it’s no Dostoevsky, but it’s really great for just throwing in your bag and killing some time on the bus or while relaxing on the beach. I’m going to give it to my sister-in-law when I’m done.” At press time, Simon & Schuster announced that the bestseller was in the process of being translated into over 20 languages.