Democrat Governors Promise They Will Do Everything In Their Power To Make Elections Appear Legitimate

U.S. — As campaign season prepares to kick into high gear, Democrat governors in states across the country are promising the American people they will do everything in their power to make elections in their states appear legitimate.

With skepticism about the fairness and legitimacy of elections on the rise following questionable incidents in 2020 and 2022, Democrat leaders expressed a strong desire to make sure voters knew that great care was being taken to make it look like the 2024 elections were far less rigged than they will actually be.

“Don’t worry, everything will seem secure,” said California Governor Gavin Newsom. “It’s important to us as governors — and as Democrats — to ensure that the American people are confident in the seeming legitimacy of our elections, so we will do everything we can to make them appear that way on the surface.”

Newsom’s fellow Democrat governors were quick to join him in his statement. “No one should feel the urge to question the reliability of rigged election results,” Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer said. “First of all, questioning election results is completely illegal if you’re not a Democrat. Everyone can rest assured that we will sufficiently hide any sign that our elections have been tampered with. It’s part of the bedrock of our democracy.”

At publishing time, Arizona Governor Katie Hobbs said she already had several members of her staff working around the clock to come up with plausible excuses as to why the electronic voting machines in heavily Republican districts will coincidentally malfunction.

When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.

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Babylon Bee

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