New Star Wars Game Lets You Play As Lesbian Jedi Who Drives Subaru Landspeeder

U.S. — In a galaxy not so far, far away, gamers are gearing up for the release of the latest installment in the Star Wars franchise: ‘Star Wars: Galactic Lesbians”

In “Galactic Lesbians,” players step into the boots of Jedi Knight Meg Virks, a fierce and empowered nonbinary warrior with a penchant for both lightsaber battles and smoking cigarettes with her cats. But what sets Meg apart from her Jedi predecessors is her trusty steed: a sleek Subaru Landspeeder, complete with rainbow decals and a bumper sticker that reads “I Find Your Lack Of Sass Disturbing.”

“We wanted to create a game that truly reflects the diversity of the Star Wars gaming community,” said game designer Karlee Jenkins (Xe/they). “And what better way to do that than to cater to .000001% of the Star Wars fanbase? It’s the epitome of representation.”

In “Galactic Lesbians,” players will embark on a quest to save the galaxy from the clutches of the evil Sith Lord Darth Gigchad, all while navigating the complexities of queerness, oppression, and political activism. Along the way, they’ll encounter a colorful cast of characters, including Sapphira’s trusty translating droid sidekick, LGBT3-PO.

“I’ve been waiting my whole life for a game like this,” said one excited player. “Finally, I can live out my dream of being a lesbian Jedi with a bedazzled Landspeeder. It’s like they made this game just for me and absolutely no one else.”

At publishing time, The game still had no preorders.

When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.

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Babylon Bee