NEW YORK—Noting that the former president’s high-profile antics had made it exceedingly difficult to move ahead with the case, sources confirmed Monday that Eric Trump was the only potential juror uninformed enough to serve at his father’s trial. “While the majority of other individuals in the pool were immediately disqualified for having too strong of a bias either for or against the former president, Donald Trump’s son Eric was the most oblivious, ignorant person we’d seen,” said court clerk James Deacon, adding that out of hundreds of prospective jurors of all ages, genders, races, and incomes, Eric Trump was the only person who was unable to answer a single question about his father’s employment, his financial crimes, or his four years as president of the United States. “Despite being the president’s son, Eric could not say for certain whether he had ever attended a Trump rally, what Donald Trump did for a living, or what political party he belonged to. In fact, when we asked Eric if he knew his own first or last name, he just stared at us and drooled. Unfortunately, that makes him the most qualified potential juror in all of Manhattan.” At press time, Eric Trump had been disqualified from the jury after Donald Trump walked into the court, at which point Eric stood up, began to cheer, and repeatedly yelled: “That’s my daddy! That’s my daddy!”
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