9 Life Hacks To Get Free Hotel Rooms, Flights, And Debit Cards

Brought to you by: Hillsdale College

Prices continued to rise, making it difficult for individuals and families to make ends meet, let alone take vacations. There are, however, handy life hacks that can let you get free hotel rooms, airline flights, and preloaded debit cards!

There is a select group of people who are scoring free stuff left and right in sanctuary cities across the nation. You can be one of them!

1. Try to give the appearance of someone who might be an illegal immigrant named “Juan”: This could include wearing a large black mustache and asking people “¿Donde esta la biblioteca?”
2. Walk around playing maracas and yelling “¡Olé!”: You’ll be welcomed as an honored guest at even the finest hotels.
3. Pretend you’re a Somali pirate: “Look at me. This is my hotel now.”
4. Carry a burrito at all times: You’ll get free accommodations. And it’s delicious.
5. Drive a pickup truck with a license plate that expired in 2019: It works even better if you have the skull of a Texas longhorn steer mounted on the hood.
6. Turn your family into a mariachi band: Little Jimmy will be more motivated to learn to play the trumpet if he knows he’ll get to go to Disney World for free.
7. Introduce yourself as Pablo the Trafficker: Get ready for the VIP treatment — especially in Washington, D.C.
8. Put memorial decals for your deceased loved ones in your car’s rear window: “Por siempre en mi corazón, Abuela” is always a popular choice.
9. Wear an “Undocumented Migrants for Biden” t-shirt: America will now be wide open to you!

Once you’ve mastered these life hacks, you’ll be set up for a lifetime of travel and lodging — with all expenses paid.

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When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.

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Babylon Bee