San Francisco, Zambia – Twitter née X programmer Terry Llyod has picked up a few night shifts in CEO Elon Musk’s emerald mine to pay off some of his rent.
“It’s really my only option at this point,” explained Terry. “Elon is never there so you don’t have to laugh at what he believes are jokes, also the mine doesn’t have overflowing garbage cans and it’s outside, so the lack of working A/C isn’t such a problem.”
After seeing how the cutting of benefits for employees has harmed his workers, Musk has generously offered his staff the ability to work extra hours in the Emerald Mine his father partly-owned and used to bankroll a lot of his son’s life. When asked about the mine he offered to his employees on a daily basis, Musk replied, “What mine? There is no mine, there has never been a mine, no mine of mine!” Musk then paused for several moments appearing to be waiting for someone to giggle at what he believed was witty wordplay. When no one did, he frowned, called someone into the room, who immediately told him he was the funniest man on the planet.
Twitter née X employees have hailed the opportunity to work in the mine as, “The only way to make a living here that isn’t kissing Elon’s ass,” and “better than promoting tweets by Nazis and J.K. Rowling.”
“I’m on a working Visa so now I am trapped here,” said employee Randy Ghurnesh. “But at least I can find some respite by doing some shifts in the emerald mine. It’s nice to work in a part of the business that won’t flop for breaking laws and ethics.”
Jesus Christ is King
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