Attention-Seeking Friend Obviously Hoping Someone Will Ask Where Other Arm Went

CHAMPAIGN, IL—As she struggled to pull open the café door with an armful of books, friends of local woman Fela Torres reported Wednesday that the drama queen was, as usual, seeking everyone’s attention and obviously hoping the sad display would lead to one of them asking where her other arm went. “Oh Lord, I wonder what’s wrong with her now,” one of Torres’ friends said to the group seated at a coffee shop table, all of them rolling their eyes as the recent amputee walked in, adjusted the bandage on her cauterized wounded, asked if anyone wanted anything, and went to the counter to place her order. “This is so like her, always trotting out a new ailment to garner our sympathy. I love her, but I only have so much energy for her constant neediness. Remember when she showed up to my graduation missing an eye? Made the whole night about herself and some car accident she was apparently in and how her vision would supposedly never be the same. Look, I’m sorry, but if you just got mugged and you’re bleeding out from a knife wound, maybe read the room first and think about keeping it to yourself. All right, when she gets back, nobody ask her what happened—we have to stop enabling her.” At press time, Torres’ friends were reportedly telling her they didn’t have the emotional bandwidth to listen to her vent about how she had just lost most of her family in a mass shooting.