WASHINGTON—With worms in the pile of plant debris already starting to eat away at the late president’s flesh, veteran White House gardener Dale Haney told reporters Thursday he had found a rotting Joe Biden in a compost bin on the South Lawn of the executive mansion. “Oh, man, the poor little guy must’ve fallen in there and not been able to find his way out,” said Haney, holding his nose against the pungent smell of decaying president and noting the claw marks on the side of the green bin, an indication the commander-in-chief must have fought to escape. “Judging by the bite marks, Biden seems to have been attracted to the smell of fermenting fruits, and then the lid must’ve closed on him. I found President Carter in a compost bin once, but he had just crawled inside looking for a warm place to sleep and wasn’t any worse for the wear. This is really a shame, though.” At press time, Haney was seen using Biden’s rotting remains to help fertilize the flowers in the White House Rose Garden.
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