Woman Lured Into Dark Alley By Sign Reading ‘Self-Defense Class’

PHILADELPHIA—Her footsteps echoing in the night as she wandered down the unlit side street, local woman Caitlin Morgan was reportedly lured into a dark alley Friday by a sign reading “Free self-defense class for women.” “Free self-defense class this way? Don’t mind if I do,” said Morgan, who delightedly followed the arrow pointing down the dirty alleyway and hurried forward as she spotted the shadow of a few dozen hulking figures cast on the brick wall ahead. “Hello? Is anyone down there? I’m interested in learning jiujitsu. I’m so glad the class is free, even though by chance I just happen to be carrying an enormous amount of cash here in my purse. Am I almost to the empowerment yet?” At press time, Morgan had been jumped by a group of women trained in Krav Maga.