Dad Blows Through 10 Of Child’s Snack Packs In One Sitting

AURORA, IL—Wondering aloud to himself why they made those things so damn small, local dad Henry Jackson reportedly blew through 10 of his child’s snack packs in one sitting Monday. “Goddamn, no matter how many of these I eat, I’m still hungry,” said the father of two, who, in the span of a single commercial break between TV shows, ate several chocolate and vanilla pudding cups. “Seriously, look at this. Each of these containers has about one bite of pudding. And these Ritz Bits packs have, like, three crackers each. I know we send the kids to school with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but this isn’t doing shit for me.” At press time, Jackson could be heard arguing that “those things [were] a total rip-off” while his wife berated him for eating everything she’d planned to pack in their children’s lunches the next day.